Russia X Reader- Just a Little Girl

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You never cared to hear the other side
So why would you care to keep this thing alive?
You paint me into the memory of all your pain
But I will not be drawn into the past again

'Cause all of this is all that I can take
And you could never understand the demons that I face
So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world
For with everything you are, you're just a little girl

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-Russia’s Pov-

    I stared at the fake, potted bunch of sunflowers in the corner of the room. I could remember the day we first moved into this place. That was the first thing (Name) had unpacked. Even though they were fake flowers, she thought of them as the most important thing in the world. I think that was only because she knew they were my favorite flowers. Those were the good days… But things are different now.

    She was always cheerful… Never letting anything get her down. Even when we fought, she always tried to comfort me. The next day when I would try to apologize, she would always tell me “It’s alright, don’t worry about it. That’s all in the past.” She always acted as if none of it bothered her, but that couldn’t be true, could it? After all, she would always spend the night cleaning up the house. She only really focused on one thing when she was upset. I always let her go off alone, though. I should have done more to cheer her up…

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I never meant for you to feel this way
The Decembers were never meant to be our graves
It's not a question of who is wrong and what is right
But time cannot heal what you will never recognize

'Cause all of this is all that I can take
And you could never understand the demons that I face
So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world
For with everything you are, you're just a little girl

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    My eyes traveled across the room, they landed on a picture we took years ago. (Name)’s (e/c) eyes were shining so brightly, Her (H/t) (H/c) hair looks much lighter in the sunlight behind us. That picture was taken in my country’s capital. (Name) was so eager to see my country, I had told her so many stories about it’s history, about things that happened while I lived there. She would have wanted to see every landmark in Russia if I hadn’t told her we were only going to stay a few days.

    She was such a naive little girl, but that was what made me love her so much. She always thought about the positive things, never letting any obstacle get in her way. She stayed positive through every bad situation, even before we had met. She had told me so many stories about how her parents used to fight a lot during her time in high school, She didn’t rebel or lash out like most teenagers. She simply tried to turn the situation around, even when it backfired.

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So go ahead and cry,
go ahead believe that you were right
To keep away the dark
To help you sleep tonight

(Go on and decide
Who is wrong, what is right
'Cause you know inside...)

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    As I recalled those memories of us together, my hands started shaking. My chest was beginning to ache horribly. How could those happy days just end like it did? It’s not fair… My vision began to blur with tears, I wiped them away quickly. No, I can’t cry. Not until I’ve said my final goodbye.

    With a small sigh, I got up from the couch, dress completely in black with one exception- My white scarf. I walked towards the door slowly, preparing myself. I turned back, and then walked back, removing the fake sunflowers from the pot. If it were the right season, I would have been able to get some real sunflowers for (Name). But, unfortunately, it was the middle of winter. Nothing grows in the winter, except the amount of snow that covers the ground. Holding the sunflowers tightly in my hand, I walked out the door, and headed to place where I would finally see your face for the very last time.

-Timeskip-

    It was extremely early, and yet everyone seemed to be here. The named of those in your family, and you friends, filled the guest registry. After the funeral, the registry would be handed to me, considering that I was your husband for almost five years.

    During the time of your awakening I was approached by many people I haven’t met before. All of them told me they were sorry, and that things would get better. I told each of them thank you as politely as possible. With each “I’m sorry” I could feel myself shake more and more. I wanted to stay positive for her, but I couldn’t stop the shaking… The anger and sadness that I was feeling almost seemed to take over.

    After a certain point, people stopped talking to me, and talked among themselves. I took that as a chance to walk outside and cool off. How was it so easy for you to stay so positive in situations like this? I thought, It was almost impossible for me…

    “We certainly were complete opposites, weren’t we, (Name)? “ I said quietly, laughing to myself. People always say that opposites attract, and I guess in a way they were right. We probably wouldn’t have made it so long if we weren’t polar opposites. I took another breath in of the cold freezing air before walking inside to join her and the others.

    The ceremony started, and I was called up to say a few words. I was nervous, worried that I might break down in the middle of my small speech, but somehow I was able to get over the nerves. Maybe it was because I was so close to her? Or maybe it was because I had said it so quickly that those nervous feelings just faded away? Whatever the reason, I was grateful for it.

    I looked at her for one last time, the fake sunflowers she had cared so much for held tightly in my hand. Her (E/c) eyes were closed, and she had a peaceful expression on her face. (Name)’s (S/c) skin was much paler than usual and almost resembled the color of the snow outside. She always did love the winter season and the snow that followed, but now she would never be able to feel that cold, wet feeling of snow on her skin again.

    I raised my hand, placing one of the sunflowers on (name)’s  chest, folding her hands over it gently. (Name)  look much happier, in a way, with that flower placed underneath her hands. I bent down, placing a small kiss on her forehead.

    “ Я тебя люблю….” I whispered, my voice cracking a bit. This would be the last time I got to tell her  those three words, telling her just once wasn’t enough. I wanted to tell her over and over how much I loved her, but there wasn’t enough time. I placed the rest of the flowers within the mix that had already been placed on top of your casket, whispered those three simple words again, and then walked outside. As I did, I could have sworn I heard you reply:

    ”I love you, too.”

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'Cause all of this is all that I can take

And you could never understand the demons that I face

So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world

For with everything you are

'Cause all of this is all that I can take

And you could never understand the demons that I face

So go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world

For with everything you are, you're just a little girl.